Create Fun Grammar with Spam

Can I complain?

Spam: unsolicited usually commercial e-mail sent to a large number of addresses.

 When looking this up in the dictionary I really did expect to see the original meaning at the top of the list, Spam, the disconcertingly pink pork product thing that comes in an oblong can and makes a semi-disgusting swoosh-plunk sound as it slides out of the can and hits the plate. But no, SPAM means annoying, often disturbing, occasionally creepy, not as often semi-threatening, always unwanted solicitation of…you name it.

My gripe today is about a trend I’ve noticed of late, a supremely annoying one. There have always been and no doubt will always be gimmicks and tricks and patterns in the creation of all this…stuff, but I’ve been noticing lately that they are getting even more insidious. I’m speaking about the headers in the subject lines. Specifically the Re: and even more lately, the word Statement keeps popping up.

I’m aware that these are solicitations and meant to grab our attention, I’m just objecting to the blatant in your face “open me!” when what they are touting has nothing to do with that header. Just this morning I very nearly shipped off to the Spam file a purchase order because the header read Statement. Because I’d just received another email that was a legitimate statement.

Anyway, long story short I truly tremble at what they Spammers might come up with next. And just for the record, I don’t need an interest-free mortgage, a business loan, business cards, or heaven forbid a prescription for…anything, thank you very much.

I don’t have a solution to this one, not even a suggestion or six. Spam will no doubt be with us forever, like athlete’s foot and bedbugs. Sorry about that.

Tell me about any particularly annoying trends you’re all noticing in the obnoxious world of spam.