Grammar Punk Blog

12 Drummers Drumming

I shall also go on and on about drummers drumming but I have to stop and comment on twelfth for a moment. What’s with that number? Doesn’t it just look odd? Not to mention sound odd. You can’t really pronounce the F in the middle there, go ahead and try. Twel-fu-th. See? Doesn’t work. Why isn’t it a V? Twelvth? As in twelve. Just a thought.

I guess I won’t go into too much of a quandary about what kind of drums these particular drummers are drumming on, a drum is a drum, right? And so I looked… And there are: Snare drums, bass drums, tom toms, bongos, congas, cajon, tabla, and tympani’s. And I’m sure there are many, many more but that’s as far as I was prepared to look. Besides, all I can think of is what a splitting headache the true love has by now and that she has no doubt broken things off and is on a coffee date with an old boyfriend who had better sense than to attempt the Twelve Days of Christmas.

And speaking for all of us at Grammar Punk we want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and hope you all plan to begin the New Year as Grammar Punks!

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

11 Pipers piping

As we wind down this little foray into the 12 Days of Christmas I’m detecting a theme. Rich people have it pretty good. While the rest of us content ourselves with finding the perfect toaster, fuzzy slippers, power tools, Easy-Bake Ovens, and iPhone eleven guys with bagpipes stuff themselves into the room along with the partridge, turtle doves, hens, geese, swans, maids, ladies and lords and still leave room for the percussionists still to arrive.

It seems to be the consensus that the pipes being piped are bagpipes, which certainly makes sense. If you don’t mind the six geese to stop laying and become very interested in the pipers as kindred spirits in honking.  

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Ten lords-a leaping

And on. Dancing I can get behind, dancing is nice, dancing is beautiful, dancing is… dancing. But leaping? What, off cliffs? Into swimming pools? Big bowls of Jell-o?

On the other hand I do like the idea of the Lords doing the leaping instead of barking at the poor maids who already have their hands full with all that milking.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Nine ladies dancing

I must say this is when the song begins to go off the rails for me—practicality-wise. Nine ladies dancing? With whom are they dancing? There are also version where it is nine ladies in-waiting, which actually makes more sense, in the snooty-snotty rich people way of the rest of the song.

It’s also not lost on me that this song is as much about flow and imagery as literal birds and folk performing for some spoiled little princess-type.

Or maybe that’s just me. I’m just getting the feeling after the fourth or fifth over-the-top gift that his true love is going to be pretty hard to please next year.

Teachers of English, grammar, and writing, what do you think about all these ladies dancing?

 On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Eight maids a-milking

At some point in the song we have to stop and ask ourselves—say what?

An odd assortment of birds is one thing; certainly gold jewelry is hard to mess up, but cramming 8 poor maids already doing the fairly disagreeable job of milking cows (we can only presume) into it? Well, okay.

I myself have never milked an actual cow, though I’ve gotten close enough to a dairy farm or two to know that I am just happy with my ignorance. All I can say is this guy’s loved one better have a really large living room. And preferably an easy to clean floor…

And I’ve gotta say, it’s got to be getting pretty crowded in there.

Teachers of English, have some fun with this. What other things of 8 might you imagine fitting in this room?

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Seven Swans A-Swimming

The swan, or Cygnus are closely related to geese—I knew there was a reason I’m particularly fond of swans as well.

Swans are the largest members of the duck family and one of the largest flying birds with a wingspan that can reach 10 feet! Like geese they can also be on the protectively cranky side, often making as good a watch dog as a well, watch dog. Seriously, they are one of the few birds that have teeth!

Swans in groups are a bevy or when in flight a wedge. Just in case you were wondering.

Swans are just naturally elegant and regal looking so it’s no surprise they join the list of snooty gifts to be offered to one’s true love. The fact that they also form monogamous pairs that last for many years, not to mention that the males help out when it comes to nest-building and egg incubation puts a clincher on it.

Teachers of English, grammar, and writing, what do swans say to you?

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Six Geese A-Laying

This one is at least pretty straight forward. I don’t even care what kind of geese they’re talking about—except of course that they
are apparently female since they are “a-laying.” This is one of my favourite verses for two reason: six is my lucky number and I love geese.

Side note: Word, in all its infinite wisdom has just informed me—via squiggly red line—that favourite is heretofore to be spelled with a u. All righty then.  

Love them, I say. Seriously, geese are one of my all-time favourite birds, right in line with hummingbirds—which if you have
been reading this blog you know are at the top of the list. I have had a long-time fascination with geese, particularly delighting in their determined migration at the start of fall every year.

I can’t count how many times I’ve nearly run off the road when a flock of happily honking geese fly overhead, cheering one another on with their exuberant vocalization and frenetically flapping wings. Seriously, have you ever stopped to notice how frantically geese seem to flap their wings? They’re largish birds with a good-sized body to perform the always unlikely-looking feat of flight and I’m sure those wings have to flap overtime to get them in such nice tight formations.

You go geese.

Teachers of English, grammar, and writing, challenge your students to pontificate on their favorite bird. Then share!

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Five Golden Rings

On August 15, 1971 President Richard Nixon took the dollar off the gold standard. During the days of the gold standard the US spent so much money for the war spending they could not borrow any more debt because US gold reserves were totally depleted
due to this spending.

If you pay any attention to the stock market at all you’ve watched the wild fluctuations of gold but still 5 Gold Rings won’t ruin your carpet or cost you an arm and a leg in birdseed!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Four Colly Birds

Now this one was a bit of a shocker to me…though I think I vaguely remember hearing this before—probably last year when I went through this. IT’S NOT CALLING BIRDS BUT COLLY BIRDS! And what are colly birds you might well ask. Blackbirds. Regular, common, everyday, nothing special blackbirds. Which is actually a true thrush. Confused yet? That’s okay? Your true love is already seriously questioning your taste in gift-giving, not to mention your sanity.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

3 French Hens

I must admit to a similar ignorance of French hens versus the regular kind. So I did some research. Apparently, French hens are Faverolles, a French breed of chicken. And they’re pretty trippy looking, I must say, complete with beard, muffs, feathered feet,
and five toes rather than the more orthodox four per foot.

I do have a chicken story but it involves a particularly horrific experience as a child visiting my grandparent’s farm at precisely the moment of a chicken’s demise…let’s just say I shrieked whenever we passed a KFC for a few years after that.

I’ll have to admit the French hens look to be snooty enough to be given as a gift.

Teachers of English, grammar and writing, challenge your students to write about their barnyard experiences. Then share!